Sacrifices and Snickers

Once upon a time; in a land far,far, away;

(From Texas that is!!);

God came to Father Abraham, and said:

“Rise and shine man, time for sacrifices!!”

Abraham jumped to his feet, grabbed his knife;

And said:  “Which animal do I get to kill today??”

God said:  “Hold your horses, Abe!

Today we find a new way to play!!”

Abraham looked puzzled;

As God went on calmly to explain:

“It is time for some diversity Abe;

Today I seek new game!!”

Cause today you are gonna kill your son Isaac,

And offer him as a sacrifice.

Get to it now Abe!

I don’t want to have to tell you twice!

Abe shrugged his shoulders,

And yelled to his son:

“HEY IKE; pack your gear,

Lets go have some fun”

Isaac jumped to his feet, grabbed his knife;

And said: “Which animal do we get to kill today??”

Abe said:  “Hold your horses, Ike!

Today we find a new way to play!!”

Isaac looked puzzled;

As Abe went on cautiously to explain:

“It is time for some adversity son;

Today I; ugh, er; I mean “we” get to kill new game!!”

And so these two began walking;

Praises to God they were a shouting!!

Its not everyday you know;

You get to go on a father and son outing!!

Finally Abraham stopped walking;

And he turned to Isaac his son.

And said:  I got something to tell you;

But you got to promise not to run!!

So after Abe explained;

To Isaac their dilemma;

He then said:  “Lay right down here;

So off to Heaven I can send ya!!”

Then came the awful moment;

Abe slowly raised his knife.

For at this very moment;

He was prepared to take Ike’s life!

When suddenly a voice yelled:

‘STOP!!  Do no harm to this thy son!”

Abe suddenly turned and said:

“Where did that voice come from?”

“Tis I, Abe” God said;

“Now lay your knife upon that stump.

Now turn, look this way, and smile:

Cause Abraham:  You’ve  been PUNK’D!!”

Then God cracked a smile;

He snickered;  and fell upon the ground;

He could not contain his laughter,

As he commenced to roll around!!

Finally  he got to his feet;

And walked over to faithful Abe.

Wiping tears from his eyes, he said:

“Oh, the look upon your face!!

“Oh this was great Abe” God said;

“I really should have sold tickets!!

Oh, by the way; new plan;

Sacrifice to me that ox in yonder thicket!!”

And so Abe released his son Isaac;

And so Abe sacrificed the ox;

(Sorry folks this is the Bible:

Someone has to die to please the boss)

And so they lived happily ever after;

We all know how the story does end.

If you find my humour offensive;

Then sorry about that my friends.

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