A Tale of Two Brothers

Open up your Bibles with me today,

To Genesis Chapter 38.

Let’s talk about two unfortunate brothers,

And learn about their awful fate!

Today we shall learn;

Of the origin of planned parenthood.

And how if you want to live to enjoy the experience,

That at the deed of sex you’d best be very good!

And we shall furthermore learn,

That you boys best not be masturbatin’

‘Cause our lovin’ Heavenly Father,

Such perversion just ain’t toleratin’!

Now these two brothers,

Named Onan and Er,

Were each killed by God,

For they each did err.

Now, as to why God killed Er,

Is a complete mystery.

I guess God had his reasons,

Our Blessed Father of Misery.

To err is human,

To kill is divine.

Er was a human,

So God killed him in his prime.

Now Onan was told,

To have sex with his dead brother’s wife.

But Onan didn’t perform so well,

So naturally God took his life.

You see God killed Onan,

Because on the ground Onan did spill his seed.

Thereby breaking that well known commandment:


I truly do not know,

If God killed Onan for his “planned parenthood”,

Or whether it was just that his sexual performance,

Simply was not that good.

Or perhaps God killed Onan,

For the sin of masturbation.

As a means of controlling,

The world’s overpopulation.

All I know is,

When Onan’s sperm on the ground he did drop,

That God did kill perverted Onan,

Right there on the spot!

So here’s my advice fellows,

Be mighty careful with your seed.

If you’re havin’ sex with a woman,

Make sure you complete the deed!

Now I am dead serious boys,

If you are givin’ a woman a thrill.

Git ‘r done!  COMPLETELY done!

Or you might be the next one God does kill!

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