(NOTE: The author regards the story you are about to read as his Master Manuscript, or in other words, his great literary achievement to date! Which should tell you all you need to know about the Author!!
Furthermore, I dedicate this work to my daughter Cassie, without whom I never would have had a daughter! And to my sons Micah and Clint, for they likewise are my favorite sons!
Read at your own risk, but it is recommended to not read while texting and to avoid wrong turns at Albuquerque):
“Doctor! Doctor! Please come quick!!
It’s my Dad! He’s really sick!”
“I have to go now Doc! I can’t talk anymore!
Someone is knocking at my door!!”
“Oh hello Doctor! I am so glad it’s you.
But frankly sir, what took you?”
“I am sorry dear. I got caught in a traffic jam.
In fact I had to ferry across the dam!”
“Oh my, no wonder you’re all wet.
Do dry off sir, or a cold you’ll get!”
“I’ll be okay, now about your Father.
What is it dear? Why all this bother?”
“Oh, Doctor, my dad is having such a time.
When he talks, he only speaks in rhymes!”
“Oh my, I have heard of such cases.
He is in a “Verbal Loop”, like knots in shoe laces!
“Tell me dear, when did all this start?
By the way, may I have a Pop Tart?”
“Of course you may!
Here is one on a tray”
“Oh thank you dear. Oh, and you added lime!
Now about your dad, when did he start to Rhyme?”
“Well, my dad has only been speaking in rhymes.
Since he learned that a nickel is not worth a dime”
“Oh my, yes the economy can be so depressing.”
“Yes, but I didn’t think that news would be so distressing!”
“Yes, well in order for me to complete my task.
I have a few routine questions I must ask”
“Now, are you your father’s daughter?
And is your dad your father?”
“Oh yes, my dad is my father.
In fact, I am his favorite daughter”
“So then there must be others?”
Oh no, only two more brothers.”
“And yet you’re his ‘favorite’ daughter?”
“Yes, and he’s my favorite father!”
“Ah yes, well then, is your father in misery?”
“Oh my no, he’s in the next room as you can see”
“Ah, I see, well then, does your father have a sore throat?”
“No, but he loves rides on his tug boat.”
“Ah, I see, well then, does your father have a fever?”
“No, but he has an audio receiver!”
“Ah, I see, well then, have your father’s bowels recently moved?”
“Yes, but they promised to return next June!”
“Ah, I see, well then, does your father have a cough drop?”
“Well, he did, but he gave it to his friend Murray the Cop.”
“Ah, I see, well then, does your father ever Frankenstein?”
“Yes, but only when he drinks red wine”
“Ah, I see, well then, does your father ever Turpentine?”
“Yes, but only when he’s had WAY TOO MUCH red wine!”
“Ah, yes, well then, does your father ever Leave it to Beaver?”
“Only when he sees Ward Cleaver”
“Ah, yes, well then does he ever Arthur Fonzarelli?”
“Yes, but I made him take a bath, he was too damn smelly!!”
“Ah, yes, yes, well then does he ever Jethro Bodine?”
“Yes, but only when he takes Codeine”
“Ah, yes, well, has your father ever been bitten by dogs?”
“No, but he roots for those Arkansas Hawgs!!”
“Ah, well then, does he ever stand up and SOOEY!!!”
“Oh yes, especially with his cousin Louie!!!”
“Well then, does your father prefer Abbott or Costello?”
“Oh yes, and he thinks Groucho Marx is quite a fellow!!”
“Ah, I see, then is your father afraid of ghosts?”
“Yes, but he fears Casper the most”
“Well then, has your father ever swam in Gilligan’s lagoon?”
“Oh yes, while watching Looney Tunes!”
“Ah, I see, so does your father have a charley horse?”
“Yes, we keep it in the barn of course”
“Well then, does your father ever Dragonfly?”
“Oh no, he’s afraid of heights, in fact so am I!”
“Ah, I see, well then, does he ever fly a kite?”
“Oh yes, but only while sipping Sprite!”
“Ah, very well then, does your father ever chew gum?”
“Yes, but only while drinking Orange Soda and Rum”
“Hmm.. Then does your father ever correlate?”
“Yes, but only when its getting late”
“Ah, yes, well, does your father ever Darth Vader?”
“Sometimes, but he much prefers Ralph Nader”
“Oh, well then is your father a plutocrat?”
“On no, my father always votes Democrat”
“Ah, I see, then is your father, or has he ever been,
One of those Commie loving men?”
“No, but he does believe in caring.
As for me, I prefer sharing.”
“I see, well then, does your father ever Nutter Butter?”
“Oh my yes, and he must ALWAYS have another!!”
“Yes, yes, well then, can your father eat just one Lay’s?”
“Oh yes, by the handful, but he’s cutting down these days”
“Is it true then that your father once Drew Maggs?”
“Well, yes, but of course, he was dressed in drag”
“Well then, does your father ever Matthew or Melanie?”
“Why do you ask Doc, is that a felony?”
“Never mind that, does your father ever Clinton James?”
“Well yes, but he also mentions dames!!”
“Well then does your father ever Micah Ray?”
“Yes, but he prefers the microwave”
“I see, well then, does your father ever Tootsie Roll?”
“Oh yes, and he loves, Rhythm, Blues, and Soul!”
“Hmm… then does your father ever play poker?”
“Only with Batman, The Riddler, and The Joker!”
“Well then, does your father ever Twilight Zone?”
“Yes, but only when he is alone”
“I see, well then, does your father ever Ethyl or Fred?”
“Only once, when Lucy and Ricky were wed”
“I see, well then, does your father ever Dream of Jeannie?”
“Yes, and he wants to be an Oscar Mayer Weinie!”
“I see, well, does your father have any enemies?”
“Only purple striped rabid bumble bees.”
“Has your father then ever skinned his knees?”
“Yes, while fleeing bumble bees!”
“One more question then, and please listen closely,
For this question actually matters the mostly!!”
“Your father’s health may depend upon this!
So listen CLOSELY! Are you ready there sis?”
“Yes, yes, I am listening Doc!
Oh, I am so nervous, my heart is ticking like a clock!”
“What is it Doc? What is this last query?
I haven’t been so tense,since I read Beverly Cleary.”
“Ok, young lady… How does your father spell RELIEF??”
“Only with an ‘E’, Dad is quite brief”
“Ah ha! Ah ha!! I have it then!!
I have not treated one of these cases since I don’t know when!!”
“What is it Doc? I can take the news.
Will he live Doc? Or is this his final review?”
“He will live young lady, he will live!
But only if you follow this advice that I give!”
“Oh anything Doc, nothings too much for good old Dad!
Why if he dies before Tuesday, I would be oh so sad!!”
“Young lady, your father has Rhyme-a-dime-a-all-the-time-a-it-us.
Its rare in these parts; a strain of tonsilectalenvironmental verbal gibberish arthritis.
Not to worry though he will get well,
But you must follow my orders to the detail!!
“Oh I will doctor, let me get a pad.
I want to write these instructions down for dear old dad.”
“Here is a bottle of Deverballikeagerbalgibberishostocide,
He must take 2 teaspoons daily, while lying on his side.
Also, feed him a steady diet of Alphabet soup,
And in no time your father will be out of his Verbal Loop!!”
“Oh Doctor, I am so relieved!
Frankly, his constant rhyming was getting me peeved!!”
“And now I must be on my way,
I have yet another stop today.
I must see a lady whose father only speaks in vowels.
And when there is a full moon, he sits in the yard and howls!!”
“Oh my! And I thought my father was nuts!
That poor lady is in quite a rut!
Well thank you Doctor, thank you very much!
Stop by anytime, and do stay in touch!!”
(NOTE: The story you have just read simply ain’t true. All ideas and thoughts recorded therein are purely those of the author. Who else would take the credit? The characters in this story are fictional, except for those who aren’t. All rights reserved by the leftovers. The story was written onsite in Grayson County, Texas; with special thanks to the keyboard. Wardrobe provided by Nudists R Us of Yokohememenoma County, Pzeutensville. There were no animals injured in the production of this gibberish, especially Bugs Bunny or Top Cat. The side affects of having read this story may include concerns for the mental stability of the author or anger at one’s self for having read to the end actually anticipating a plot; but it is very doubtful that they would include autonomy or geometry. Feel free to look for the story in paperback soon to be rescinded, but its doubtful pending investigation. Consult your local bookstore, preferably for legible literature.
Thank you for your participation! The peppermints are free; but no refunds. Batteries not included.
BA-DEE, BA-DEE, BA-DEE: DAT’S ALL FOLKS!!!!