Blame it on Eve

According to the Bible, God created EVERYTHING.

And it says he made everything good (numerous verses, Genesis 1).

And so the Bible says that God made EVERYTHING, and that he made everything good.

Then things got out of control.  Naturally it was not God’s fault.  Or was it?…..:

It all started with Eve and ole what’s his name in the Garden of Eden.  Life was pure bliss for the original dynamic due, until that fateful day when Eve performed a deed so heinous, so rebellious, so evil….. that such a very deed changed the entire course of all human history.  After Eve performed her deed of rebellious iniquity, everything bad from a woman’s period to mass murder can be blamed on Eve (AKA:  The mother of all human madness!!).

How was God to know the evil that lay in her wicked sinful mind?  (No wait, he WAS supposed to know the evil that lay in her wicked sinful mind.  He is God, and God knows everything; right?).

Anyway, regardless of God’s knowledge of the evil that lay in Eve’s wicked sinful mind, surely we don’t think he was able to do anything to stop her from performing her heinous evil wickedness, do we? (No wait, he COULD have stopped her couldn’t he?  After all, he is God, and God can do anything; right?  Now that I think on it, why did God not just send a donkey to reason with Eve the way Balaam’s donkey reasoned with Balaam when he was on his way to do his wickedness? (Numbers 22:22-33).

In fact, if only  God would have thought of sending a talking donkey to reason with Eve instead of sending a talking serpent to tempt her to perform her deed which was so heinous, so evil, so reprehensible that such a very deed literally changed the entire course of human history, then surely things  would not have turned out the way they did……

Well, regardless of the fact that an all knowing God should have known what was going to happen, and regardless of the fact that an all loving and an all powerful God would have and could have prevented the horrendous deed of erring Eve; her disastrous deed was nonetheless done.

That said, I can no longer hold you in suspense as to the heinous, evil, reprehensible deed that evil Eve performed that literally changed the course of human history:

She ate a piece of fruit….

From the wrong tree……

Ok, ok, I don’t see the significance either, but damnit man, its in the Bible!!

Yes, yes, I realize that:

“God is great

God is good,

Prevent this deed,

He damn well could”

But he DID NOT prevent this horrible heinousness, this evil evilness, this reprehensible reprehensibleness; IN SPITE OF THE FACT that he could have, and that is simply that!!

A real bummer too, because I would have enjoyed walking around naked all day with a woman at my side, nibbling fruit, tending to a garden, and conversing with snakes, but NOOOO!!!  Instead, I have bills to pay by the sweat of my brow and women have PMS, and there is soon to be war in Syria and ya da ya da ya da…. and all because that rebellious lady Eve just HAD to have that one lousy piece of fruit.

Obviously, once Eve ate that fruit in all her sensuous selfishness, it all went downhill from there.  Her heinous deed of evilness revealed the character flaw in humanity that God in all his Greatness overlooked while he was “thus saying this” and “thus saying that” during his one week’s worth of honest work as recorded in Genesis 1.  Indeed, Eve’s decision to eat that fruit revealed that humankind is an independent lot and that we have minds of our own and that we tend to do as we damn well please.

Well now, in the world of divine deityness such disrespectful independence simply will not do!

And so due to this horrendous deed of rebellious independence which altered the course of human history, God has spent the rest of his loving merciful time since then scheming a divine plan to redeem his lost loyal subjects from the influence of that damned ole devil.

In fact, when humankind got so bad that the thoughts of their heart was only evil (see what picking your own fruit to eat leads to Eve!), then God in an act of merciful loving kindness drowned all the innocent babies in the world in his infamous worldwide flood (Genesis 6-8).

Later, Jehovah exercised even more of his merciful loving kindness by endorsing the mutilation of men, women, and children alike while his preferred clan of humanity (the Israelites) were in the process of taking land away from the rightful owners (those dastardly sinners the Canaanites).

And of course, how could any story of merciful loving kindness be complete without the epoch killing of one’s own son as a sign of your merciful loving kindness en route to trying to persuade would be conditioned minions to acknowledge you as “The Almighty Heavenly Father” (Now there is a deity I would want to call “Dad”; because anyone willing to kill his own son on my behalf is definitely a Father to trust and adore).

Ultimately, in an act of merciful loving kindness for the ages god made hell to eternally torture those of us who don’t love him as much as he loves us.

There you have it folks:  God in his merciful loving kindness drowned innocent babies, endorsed the mutilation of men, women (some pregnant; Hosea 13:16), and children, killed his own son, and has provided a means to eternally torture those of us who fail to reciprocate his love.

And who is to blame for God being forced to impose his merciful loving kindness in such extreme measures?  Who else?  Ole what’s his name in the Garden of Eden knew who to blame:

Blame it on Eve.

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One thought on “Blame it on Eve

  1. There’s definitely something wrong somewhere. God created everything and saw it was Good and then he made Eve. Or so ”they” say. As an after thought. As if he forgot something. Gave Adam a little pressie. One with Her Own Mind. Oh dear, this may get us into trouble.

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